Back from beyond

I haven't been able to blog for a while as I've been staying with relatives in Tunisia. I've really missed my computer... I'd hoped I'd be able to get to an internet cafe over there as they're becoming more popular, but you know... Things just don't always work out like that. Surprisingly, it was very cold over there. As cold as England is right now! Coats and jumpers all day, since central heating is a rarety afforded only to hotels. I'd say it was relaxing, but not the most enjoyable "holiday" I've ever had. At least the children enjoyed themselves. I've been finding some more cool stuff on the web, which I'll blog about soon. Still have so many things to catch up with...

Free ringtones, logos and software

These days, advertisements for mobile software is everywhere you look: magazines, tv, radio, the web... These companies make a small fortune out of convincing the general public to pay for services which they could just as easily get for free. So... For those of you who don't know how to get free tones, logos, wallpaper and software for your mobile phones, here is an article for you! This is what you will need:

1. Your mobile phone.
2. A PC with internet access.
3. Appropriate software for your handset. Most mobile phones come packaged with a software CD. If yours didn't, then check out the manufacturers' website, where you can usually download this for free. Alternatively, you could use Logomanager or Oxygen Phone Manager.
4. A means of connecting our handset to your PC (data cable, bluetooth, infra-red). If you don't already have any of these accessories, then data cables are probably the cheapest option. You can pick these up on Ebay for only a few pounds. Also, these can be used to unlock your handset to other networks.

Once you have all this together, it's time to get some free software! The best way to find this is to do a Google search for "free gsm software downloads" or something like that (this is one of the best websites I've found). Alternatively visit GSM Topsitez for quick links. Get what you want and save it to your PC.

With most software, you can drag and drop files into folders on your handset. Just remember to put things in the correct folders! Games may not work if they are dropped into the ringtones folder...

And there you go: it's as simple as that. Better still, it's completely free!

In the near future, I will be setting up a website which will feature many free GSM downloads, links and the like (as well as more Kunoichi stuff!). So if anyone out there is interested, or would like to help out, then send me an email. It would be much appreciated!

"Fond memories are all I want to keep..."

Today, I almost bumped into a blast from my past. I was going back into the car park as he was walking out. Luckily, I saw him before we collided. I think I opened my mouth to say something, but the look on his face made me change my mind. So I just smiled and walked away. After all, the last time we met was hardly the best of times... I'll call him "J", for using his real name would cause us both unwanted problems. J was one of my regular clients, from my days as a masseuse. One of my best clients. He was, in fact, my "Plan B". J was a lovely man: happily married, high management, with enough spare cash to spend his spare time sourcing out the best call girls in the area. I first met him at the sauna Christmas party, when I was still new to the job. That night, I didn't have much of a chance with him. The other girls saw money as soon as he walked in through the door with his smart suit and expensive shoes. I felt honoured that he called in the next day specifically to see me. Apparantly, he'd asked one of the other girls my name, and booked an hour with me in the VIP room, complete with a bottle of champagne and a very large tip. Most clients usually wanted a quick release, a bit of tease and tickle. Nothing personal. Just a pretty girl in whom to put their dick. But J was different. He actually wanted to know about me, about my life, and especially, what I liked in bed. He promised to come and see me again, though I didn't believe him at the time. And he did. Again and again until his visits were almost a daily occurence. One day, while we were luxuriating in the jacuzzi, he made me a proposition. "You could make a lot more money than you do here," he said. "Perhaps I could help you set up your own place somewhere..." He offered to buy me a flat to use as my new "place of business", where I could keep the profits in exchange for him to be able to see me whenever he wanted. I couldn't believe what I was hearing! This rich (and I have to admit, rather good looking) man actually wanted me to be his kept woman. I know that many women in the same situation would jump at the chance, but I wanted to play it cool. It was such a big step to take, and if things didn't work out... Well, it would be a problem. That day, he kissed me on the lips. Or rather, I let him. It had always been the unspoken rule that we didn't do that. It symbolised attachment. But I suspected then that he was falling in love with me, and in all honesty, I was developing an attachment too. Though for me, it was never truly love. I didn't tell anyone about J's proposal, least of all the other girls (who would have been so jealous if they knew). He kept visiting me, and every so often he'd ask if I'd thought about it any more. But by then, other things were happening too. My boss (later to become my husband...) and I had begun to flirt, to notice how good we actually were for each other, when before our relationship had been purely "business". My emotions were all over the place. "Confusing" doesn't even come close. J had no idea that I would eventually quit work to delelop my relationship with my boss (/future husband!). The day I broke the news, we were due to meet in a hotel. I stood him up. Just didn't have the nerve to tell him. He came to the sauna to look for me. At first, I hid away, unable to deal with it. I felt like I was breaking up a love affair, not an agreement with a client. One of the other irls tried to explain what had happened, and he started to cry. I couldn't bear it. I asked for a chat in private in the office (to have gone into one of the rooms would have meant certain death for us both...) and tried to make him understand. "You know how I feel about you," he told me, though he might as well have said those three little words. They hung in the air like an echo. I wanted him to know somehow that it hadn't all been just a charade, that I did feel something for him, and though I know I shouldn't have, I gave him one final kiss. A true kiss. Then J slipped something into my hand. "If you ever need me, for anything at all, then call me. I'll always be there for you, wether you change your mind or not." I still have his card hidden away in an old purse, though I never called him. Not even when things got really bad... When I saw him today, there was a flash in his eyes of what he remembered, those words he never said. The sun has set on that phase of my life. Fond memories are all I want to keep.

A little thought can go a long, long way...

If you've read my last post, you'll probably know how angry and upset I was last night. After dreams too distorted to remember, I was still wound up this morning. I'd planned to go straight out before my husband woke up, leave him in bed and alone so he'd have time to think about what he said to me last night. But I got up late. Plan A out the window then... "I'll do the school run," he said. "I have to meet someone at 10, so I'll get straight off afterwards." Fine by me, I thought. Keep out of my way, or I might start something. Yet ten minutes later, I heard his key in the door. "Have you forgotten something?" I called. "Yes," he answered. "You." Sometimes, my husband can be so sweet. Despite my earlier coldness, he put his arms around me and gave me a loving kiss. "Does that mean I get an apology then? You really upset me last night." He looked confused. Genuinely. I can usually tell when he's putting on an act. "What did I do?" "You called me and our baby b******s." The colour drained out of his face. "What? When?" On the phone. "But I'd never call you that." Well you did. He was trying to remember. "I was playing cards with the guys last night. I said it to them because they were cheating..." I do believe he was being truthful. I'd expected some sort of excuse, or the ploy that it was a joke. He hugged us both close. "I'm sorry you thought that, he whispered. "I didn't mean it at you, honestly." Despite his faults and his moods, I do love my husband dearly. And I always give him a second chance. So I was mistaken. I didn't think he would ever say that to me... Perhaps he'll bring some flowers for me later. Despite the myth that women are complicated, we can be simple to please, and a little thought can go a long, long way.

"I am the angry ninja..."

One word, one single uttering, can say a thousand things.

I've had a really bad day. It started around midnight when the computer refused o go online. My service provider claim no responsibility for this. "It must be your PC," they say. "The line is fine, there's nothing we can do about it!".

Yea, right. It happens about once a week. I know for a fact that there is nothing wrong with my PC. Strange that I need do nothing, and the connection works again after a few hours...

Then I lost my car keys. Right when I needed them the most. They were in my bag the last time I checked. I turned the house upside down, literally. It had taken me all day to tidy, and I spent hours messing it all up again trying to find them. My husband just made things worse. When he finally arrived home, he just sat in front of the computer, ranting at me that I shouldn't just leave them around; that it was going to cost me a fortune to repair; that he was going to have to run around for me all day tomorrow to get me a new set of keys since he had the use of his cars...

What you might want to understand here is that of all my worldly posessions, my car means the world to me, on a very close par with my PC. I can't live without it. It's my independence, my means of escape. I feel like a caged tiger when I can't get out and just drive.

No car, no PC. I felt lost.

"Can't you just stop having a go and give me a hug?" I asked.

"I'm busy. I need to find a girl for this job." He nudges me away, picks up his phone and starts dialing. When the call connects, he talks sweetly with her. Please and thankyou. See you later on.

A few minutes later, he's out the door, our baby daughter toddling after him and crying "Da-Da!" He only just remembers to give her a kiss goodbye. He doesn't remember me.

Half an hour later when I'm putting my son to bed, baby darts off to the bathroom to play with the toilet brush, her new favorite mischief. I hear the rattling of keys. Lo and behold, she'd hidden them in the brush holder, and stood in the bathroom grinning like a little imp! God only knows how she managed to put them there without me noticing. She's a little ninja in training.

And miraculously, the PC decided it would suddenly start working again! Finally it seemed that things were looking up! I took a photo of our daughter smiling and texted it to my hubby, in the hope that the good news would cheer him up.

No such luck.

"What the hell were they doing in there?" He yelled.

If I'd have known the answer to that, I would have found them hours before.

"You're b******s," he said. "Both of you."

I crumpled. I couldn't believe he actually said that to me. We never swear at each other. We don't even argue (since I'm wise enough to his temperament to know how to calm things down). And we definitely don't say that to each other. Especially not about our baby, our little princess. She may be mischivous, but never that. And neither am I.

Tomorrow, he may well try to say it was a joke, that he didn't mean it in a hurtful way. But I'm not laughing. I'm hurt. And most definitely upset.

Just one word, it can say a thousand things. It says his attitude stinks lately; it says that in that moment, me, our marriage and our baby didn't mean a damn to him. It says that this could well be the first step to him turning into a true pig-headed chauvanist, and I'm not about to take it anymore. He may be in a bad mood. He might be having a bad day. But that was too much to let pass.

Seems to me that there's more going on behind the scenes than he's telling me about. I can't help but wonder if he's up to his old tricks again.

I am the angry ninja, and I'm going to find out.

Mind Control (or, how to tell when someone is lying)

This evening, I watched a fantastic TV show by Derren Brown, called The Heist. For those of you who missed this wonderful insight into the use of mind control, here is a brief synopsis: Derren Brown uses a combination of skills from the areas of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), Hypnosis, Cold Reading and he also uses a lot of Suggestion. In this program, he psycologically manipulated 3 out of 4 subjects to willingly commit "armed robbery", without ever making the direct suggestion to them. I consider Derren Brown's skills to be fantastic. Eager to learn some of the secrets of his trade, I eagerly looked at his website and found links to some of his fan sites which featured some great links regarding his psycology techniques, especially this one.

One of the things I learned from this site is how to tell how a person is thinking, or more specifically, how to tell when they are lying using "eye accessing clues".

Unfortunately, I am not the most trusting of women. Perhaps this is because I have lived the life I have, but nonetheless, I found this very useful.

Basically, when you are conversing with your subject, watch where they move their eyes when asked specific questions, and compare the movement to this chart:

Of course, this is just a guideline since every person reacts differently in a given situation. Also, these eye movements cannot tell you exactly what a person is thinking, just how they are thinking. This link gives a more detailed analysis of the technique.

Simple, but useful.

On a mission to move

It seems so contradictory that we are building our own house abroad, yet here in England, we live in a dingy, Council rented flat. We don't have much choice at the moment: we can hardly apply for a mortgage when my husband runs an escort agency for a living! And we can't afford to save up and buy outright either. But we desperately need to move. It used to be such a nice place here. On the edge of the countryside, modenised, with a great view of the valley from the window. But we need more space now: we have a new baby, and my stepchildren come to stay every weekend. Four children sleeping in one room is chaos. To make matters worse, like every nice place, this town had gradually gone downhill. On the stairwell, the local drug dealers convene every night, leaving ugly slogans and empty wrappers for my kids to find in the morning. I've had enough. It is my mission that we will move within the next three months, one way or another. I'm fed up with waiting lists and paperwork: this seeming conspiracy that the system doesn't want us to move. So I'm going to make the system work for us.

The importance of learning to hack...

The thing which taught me most about how to use my PC was learning how to hack. To the geeks out there, this will seem obvious, but I can imagine the general population to be aghast at this suggestion. For those of you out there who don't understand why hacking can be helpful to the average computer user, let me say this: Learning to hack helps you understand entirely how your computer works, and most particularly, how to prevent it from being hacked into! I am by no means a computer expert. Everything I do know has been self-taught, but for some strange reason, I am the one my friends and family turn to for help when their PC crashes or dies. Most people I know don't even have anti-virus software installed! So for those of you who don't, here is a free anti-virus program which works just as well as Norton (and doesn't eat all your pocket money either!). Aside from helping you learn all about your PC, hacking is actually quite fun! And no, you don't need to do anything illegal to learn all about it! Hacking isn't (nescessarily) about getting into the computer systems of major organisations and messing everything up! It can be as simple as changing the start-up screen on your computer, or the look and layout of your website. Carolyn Meinel's Happy Hacker series is a great place to start learning. And if you already have problems with your PC, try Castlecops for free advice to help you get things right. Believe me, its far better to learn how to do this stuff yourself than pay a small fortune for someone else to do it for you!

White Rabbit Day

My old friend, J, used to call me at the crack of dawn on the first of each month. "White Rabbit Day!" he'd yell, before I had the chance to mumble a hello. Today is the ultimate White Rabbit Day, the first of the new year. I'm a little sad that J isn't around to tell me that anymore, but I'm happy about many other things. Last night (New Year's Eve) was the first time in about a year that my husband and I have been able to go out without the kids in tow. I missed it so much! We only had a couple of hours, out drinking at a local club, but it was bliss. Recently, things hadn't been that good between us. My husband runs two businesses now, hoping that soon his day job would earn enough money so that he could quit his unscrupulous night work. Unfortunately, so far that hasn't been the case. I hadn't realised how stressed out he's been, having been concerned more with my own stress (and the fact that I hardly ever get a break from the bedlam of housewifing duties!). So it was nice that after a couple of drinks, he opened up, and we talked better than we have in a long time, about what we both want for the new year ahead. Admittedly, my husband and I have different agendas: being a foreign national, by husband hopes that one day we will all move permanantly back to his own country, while I would prefer that we keep our main home over here in England, and finally move to the house of our dreams. In order to keep peace, I agree to certain things in order to get what I want in the long run. My husband is a difficult man to position: I have to plant a subtle seed of suggestion, then wait patiently for however long it takes, until finally he says: "I've had an idea! How about we...(do what I had originally, subtly suggested)". I can't just say, "I want you to do this" because he's too stubborn for that to work, unless of course, it's something he really, truly wants to do for himself! But that side of him is a major part of why I love him so much; it makes life much more interesting to have to work for what I want from him, rather than have it handed to me on a platter. So while we were talking about the house we're building abroad next to his family home, it was lovely to hear him actually say that we may well buy a house here in England this year, so we can get out of this tiny, dingy council flat! I may well have to keep working at him to ensure the promise is kept. Once we get the money together, he will probably have that twinkle in his eye that says "new car beckoning..." and endless phonecalls from his brothers to ask when he's going to finish building our house and buy a business over there. So I've made it one of my new year resolutions to find us a decent, English home and seal the promise. I've been through a lot since we got married. It's the least I'm owed now...